Time is deceptive

Time is a crazy thing. It can seem to go fast and seem to go slow, but in reality never changing its rhythm. Its the same for everyone no matter where you live in the world or what language you speak. Its our planets universal connection, that like it or not, everyone must follow. But even still, with its constant steady ticking, why does it sometimes seem so fleeting? Like you just don't have enough time?! Days to me seem to go by so slow yet weeks go by much faster. I live my life day by day but each day just seems to drag on the same way and I'm always so exhausted! But even still I just feel like I have to spend every moment enjoying my time with Lily and Makinlee. Makinlee is 11 mo old and I honestly feel like I've only been around for 5 months of it. Time; it really is constant, yet ever changing.

Lily saw her Dr. on Thursday and got a spinal tap and chemo in the spine, (they call it a lumbar puncture) as well as 2 different IV chemos. They have been upping the dose of  chemo every time so she gets a little stronger dose each appointment as long as her counts are good. I'm starting to see now that this last dose of chemo is really taking its toll on her. Its probably the first time (other than steroids) that she has gotten chemo and I can really tell how tired and sick she feels. She is still all smiles and tries to run around and play as much as she can, but I can just see it in her eyes how sick she feels. Her head aches, her muscles ache, and she has a very short fuse. Lots of tired fits and crying. I know that may sound pretty normal for a 3 year old but its different, its a whole new level of exhaustion. Overall tho, she is doing really well. Her blood counts and appetite have been more steady, and she hasn't been super sick (throwing up), just really tired. The one chemo she gets does make her susceptible to ulcers and mouth sores and Friday morning she woke up with a dime sized ulcer on her arm. That was a little alarming! I'm keeping a close eye on it but it doesn't seem to be infected or anything so that's good. We know that all her treatments have side affects. She goes back in next Monday for the IV chemo and then 10 days after that we start the next phase. I've been given a little info about what to expect for the next phase but no real details yet. We will find out more next week. 

I think that the main thing that I need to remember for my lesson this week is to be grateful for the time I have. Just trying to live in the moment but planning for a long future with my family. Life is short even if the days or weeks seem long, and I've been reminded several times in my life that your life could change forever in an instant.