I just thought that she had the flu.

One of the most commons questions that I get is how did you know to take her to the Dr.? The answer is I didn't. It honestly all starts for me back in January with Makinlee. On New Years Eve I noticed that the left side of  Makinlee's cheek was bright red. I thought that she had just been sleeping on that side so I blew it off at first but then when I still noticed it the next day I took a closer look. Sure enough the left side of Makinlees cheek was hot to touch, swollen, and still bright red. I took her to an urgent care and left with an antibiotic and the diagnosis of cellulitis. After a week of antibiotics and with no change in her cheek I headed back into her Dr. for a followup. They checked her ears and throat and found nothing unusual so I left with a 10 day course of a different antibiotic. Another blissful week goes by and still I have a baby with a cheek that looks like I clocked her a good one, so back in the Dr. office I was. This time however after a thorough exam of her left ear they found some drainage and a burst ear drum. They gave her an antibiotic shot and was scheduled to come back in the next Mon. (This was a Friday.)  That next week I went it to the Dr. Monday Wednesday and Friday, all the while giving her shots and oral antibiotics. Finally I got a referral to a pediatric ENT who ordered a CT scan. We did the scan that week and scheduled an appointment to get the results. So, so far, for the whole month of January I have done nothing but be in and out of the Drs office with Makinlee trying to figure out what is wrong with her.

Okay now I know that your wondering what this has to do with Lily and I promise I am getting to that. On the way to get the results of the scan I was with Kim and I said I just had this horrible feeling that something was really wrong. I said to her "This is one of those times when you take your kid to the Dr. and next thing you know you are moving to Seattle because your kid has cancer". Little did I know I was right all along. Of course at Makinlee's appointment the ENT told me everything was fine with her, her ear was all healed and she had nothing to worry about. I honestly didn't believe him at all. I just knew something was wrong, desperately wrong, and I was so upset that they couldn't find it.

Meanwhile, back at the home front Lily was suffering much worse, and I didn't even notice because I was too preoccupied with Makinlee. Lily had some symptoms that she was sick. For about 3 days in the middle of Feb she had a really high fever, 101-102. That went away and then she seemed to be getting better. Then the next week she started throwing up and did for about 24 hrs. That's when I noticed her getting so pale. But who doesn't when they have been throwing up? Then she, yet again, seemed to get better. She got some color back and seemed to gain her energy and appetite back. But then again on that dreaded Fri the 13th she was up all night again throwing up. Now I don't want to go into too much detail but this wasn't like normal throw up. I was thick, and almost foamy. That's what kind of alerted me that something wasn't right. She was back to being pale, not wanting to eat, and very lethargic and tired. She wouldn't walk anywhere, always wanted to be carried and very fussy. She would just lay down in random places and just try to sleep. But with all those symptoms I just thought it was the flu.

When I got home from work that Fri Lily went to hide to poop. She was a little constipated and was pushing really hard and said "Mom it hurts, it hurts". So at this point I thought well maybe was throwing up last night cause she is really constipated, Hmmm, maybe I should just call her Dr. and just talk this out with the nurse. So I did. I call the Drs office just expecting them to say "oh yeah give her some prune juice, have her poop and everything will be fine." Well after talking to the nurse she said that some of her symptoms didn't make sense and since it was 3:30 on a Friday I should just hurry in and they could check her out.

Okay people, I'm not going to lie I was really annoyed that I had to take her in. It was Friday, I'd already had a long day and the last thing I wanted to do was drive 25 min at the drop of a hat to the Dr. for them to say "oh yeah she just has the flu. Have fun cleaning up puke all weekend. :) call us Monday when you have to work and cant bring her back." :) Well knowing what I know now I would have been way happier to hear that. After her Dr. checked her out he explained to me that Lily was very anemic, she had an elevated heart rate and an enlarged liver and spleen and she was alarmingly pale. He recommended that I headed to the hospital right away to get some blood tests. I went straight there and they did the blood draw but they couldn't get very much blood but it would probably be enough. They said that they would call when they had the results back. I think we had been home for maybe 15 minutes when the lab called me and that they needed more blood to run the tests again. The lab tech said that we could wait until morning when she had more help if I wanted but something told me no, you need to back now. I told her I wanted to come back right then so we could figure this out. So we went back again, got more blood, and financially got home for the night. Not even 20 min later her Dr. called and said that she had secured a room for us for the night at the hospital and we should head right there. All they really told us at that point was that she was very anemic and most likely would need a blood transfusion. I was of course terrified. When we got there we talked to her Dr and she thought at this point that lily probably had some type of virus that had just gotten the better of her but that she thought she would be okay with a little blood and time. She did tell us that for a girl Lilys age her Hemoglobin (red blood cell) should be 11-13 and they were at a 4. She still didn't have any answers until talking to the hematologist so we decided with a blood transfusion for the night and to wait to hear from him the next day.

All in all I had a busy year, but deep down I knew, I just knew that there was something really really wrong. I would sit at home and just try to come up with a plan for if I ever got the news that one of my kids were really sick or needed major surgery. I would just sit and think about how I would be able to handle it and have a normal day again. I couldn't even imagine that devastation I would feel. With all these constant thoughts I was having, I thought they were just paranoia but now I know that my instincts were telling me your baby is sick, prepare yourself for the life changing news. All along though, I thought it was for the wrong baby. I was so worried about Makinlee that I didnt even notice Lily slowly fading away. So my lessoned learned for today is TRUST YOUR MOTHERLY/FATHERLY INSTINCTS, but also to not limit what they could be telling you. And also to be open to allowing those you trust help you figure out what your instincts are telling you. Confide with your husband or mother or sister or brother or best friend or whoever it is to help you put the pieces together. I know that I cant change anything with Lily's diagnosis. She was meant to get Leukemia no matter what, but maybe, just maybe, if I had paid more attention to her I would have caught it sooner. Lately I have noticed my instincts are right more than I expect. I am still just feeling like a new mom and trying to figure out what my guardian angels are telling me.